I couldn’t stay up to see all the Oscar speeches. But if you want to have some fun, here’s a link to a site that produces a “Mad Lib” style Academy Award speech.
PROFANITY ALERT. The site does have some foul language.
Here’s the speech I came up with using the site.
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so coked-up! And this statue – it’s so shiny! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally saddened your crushing defeat makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take an epidural and brag about how unaesthetic my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda wrinkly
You know, there are so many back-stabbing little people to thank! First off though, I want to blackball the esteemed idiots of the Academy, who looked deep within their wallets before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my kitchen. And to my brother, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired – I couldn’t have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!